


POLYmath pain in the ass™ gc

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Everyone is Queer, Gc Fic, Modern AU, Multi, Nonbinary Lafayette, Polyamory, Texting, Trans Alex, alex/laf/john/herc/eliza, ill update tags as i go but ik fr SURE this fic is gonna be a MESS™, is there even a plot??? not really, super mega gay, there's not enough trans alex in fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:58:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>yes, another gc fic. sue me. (don't actually sue me, i don't profit from this.) everyone is queer, everyone is happy, it's a good time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ice cream and gay

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly loved writing this chapter so like. tell me what u think?????? oh and
> 
> users
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>  
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> hamster - alex
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>  
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> jonh - john
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>  
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> baguette - lafayette
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>  
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> hunkules - hercules
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>  
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> ANGELica - angelica
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>  
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> lizard - eliza
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>  
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> andpeggy - peggy
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>  
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> macaronifucker - jefferson
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>  
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> jayyymes - madison
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>  
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> a.burr - burr
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>  
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> gwash - washington
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> reyNOlds - maria
> 
>  
> 
> not all of these characters are involved in this chapter but i thought i'd get this out of the way.

hamster: babe 

jonh: yes 

baguette: yes 

lizard: yes 

hunkules: yes 

hamster: okay i realize now that just saying babe was a bad idea 

hamster: i was trying to get john’s attention 

jonh: im here 

hamster: u know i love u right 

jonh: what do you want 

hamster: rude wtf 

hamster: ... 

hamster: will u pick me up some ice cream on ur way home 

jonh: alex 

hamster: pls. i love u 

jonh: fine 

hamster: YAY 

jonh: you owe me 

hamster: can i pay in kisses 

jonh: obviously 

ANGELica: y'all are gross 

ANGELica: why am i even in this group chat i’m not dating you guys 

lizard: o shit she's right 

lizard: hold on 

_lizard added reyNOlds to the chat_

ANGELica: BABY 

reyNOlds: HI ANGEL WHAT IS THIS 

jonh: welcome to the POLYmath pain in the ass™ group chat we hope you enjoy your stay 

reyNOlds: the what 

reyNOlds: eliza what did you put me in 

ANGELica: basically 

ANGELica: alex, john, lafayette, hercules, and elzia are all dating 

ANGELICA: eliza* fuck 

lizard: elzia 

hamster: elzia 

baguette: elzia 

hunkules: elzia 

jonh: elzia 

ANGELica: i fucking hate all of you 

ANGELica: AnYwAy. yeah they're all dating and then i was just the Odd One Out™ so eliza added you to make me feel less lonely???? 

reyNOlds: aw cute 

reyNOlds: but don't you mean 

reyNOlds: elzia added me 

ANGELica: we’re breaking up 

reyNOlds: babe wait no i love u 

ANGELica: okay fine 

ANGELica: come kiss me 

baguette: ew 

hunkules: that was so gay 

ANGELica: shut the fuck ur mouths 

ANGELica: u all literally have a gc dedicated to ur gayness u have no RIGHT to CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS 

hamster: yeah but 

hamster: it's fun 

hamster: :) 

baguette: anyway!! we all need to hang out i miss you guys a lot 

baguette: not to be gay or anything 

jonh: shut up laf ur the gayest person i know and ur not even gay 

hamster: i mean. personally,, 

hamster: john ur the gayest person to ever walk the PLANET 

hunkules: WHY DO WE KEEP SAYING WE’RE GAY WE’RE ALL DATING ELIZA 

hunkules: elzia* 

ANGELica: fuck you mulligan 

hunkules: but seriously none of us are 100% gay. not even john 

jonh: he's right 

jonh: i mean i’m pretty fucking gay but elzia made me an Ex Gay™ 

hamster: did you just 

baguette: Ex Gay™ 

hunkules: me too john, me too 

_hamster changed the name of the chat to: ex gays™_

ANGELica: excuse me i am a current gay 

baguette: tough 

hunkules: babe don't be like this 

baguette: tough 

hunkules: mon cheri, please 

hamster: what the hell happened in ten seconds why are they so pissed 

baguette: >:( 

lizard: laf, honey 

baguette: I AM UPSET BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN AN ENTIRE MONTH SINCE OUR LAST DATE AND I JUST REALIZED THIS 

hamster: laf you and i went and saw a musical like two days ago 

jonh: we went to dinner on wednesday 

baguette: yeah but 

baguette: we haven't gone on a date™ 

baguette: one-on-ones are nice but i miss the puppy piles we do in front of the tv while we’re trying to watch a movie it's not the same with two people 

hamster: BABY 

lizard: HONEY 

jonh: SWEETHEART 

hunkules: BABE 

jonh: WE MISS YOU TOO!!!!!! 

lizard: i just checked our big planner and we’re all free tomorrow from noon on 

jonh: thank god 

hamster: whAT SHOULD WE DO 

baguette: cn we,, go get ice cream and then go rollerskating 

baguette: i’ve never been rollerskating 

lizard: of course, anything for you 

baguette: i love you guys so much :’) 

reyNOlds: this is literally the cutest thing i’ve ever seen 

ANGELica: im bringing u a tissue right now 

reyNOlds: aw thanks babe 

hamster: speaking of ice cream 

hamster: my dearest, 

hamster: laurens 

jonh: im literally at the store what do you want 

hamster: BUTTER PECAN YOU KNOW THIS 

jonh: I KNOW I DO BUT EVERYONE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP HAS A DIFFERENT FUCKING FLAVOR AND IT’S REALLY CONFUSING 

jonh: actually. while im driving home everyone send their fav flavors again so i can screenshot it 

jonh: oh and laf dick is not an ice cream flavor 

baguette: FUCK YOU 

hamster: butter pecan :) 

hunkules: choc chip cookie dough 

lizard: vanilla 

hamster: snorts 

hamster: how fitting 

lizard: ALEXANDER 

baguette: birthday cake (although dick would be better) 

jonh: LAFAYETTE 

baguette: je t'aime, mon ange 

jonh: don't try to french ur way out of this 

jonh: oh that's all of us __

_jonh took a screenshot!_

hamster: JOHN LAURENS DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE WHAT THE FUCK 

jonh: BABYGIRL RELAX 

jonh: IM IN THE PARKING LOT AND I HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS ICE CREAM 

hamster: HELL yeah 

ANGELica: wait 

ANGELica: babygirl? 

hamster: DONT KINKSHAME ME THIS IS A KINKSAFE ZONE 

hamster: anyway i have ice cream to scarf down bye __

_hamster has left the chat_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pigtails and puppy piles and movies about puppies. what more do you want???

baguette: GU YSY 

hunkules: WHAT ARE YOU OK 

baguette: JOH N 

hunkules: what did he do 

hunkules: wait __

_hunkules added hamster to the chat_

hamster: thank 

baguette: G U Y S 

baguette: IM AT THE STORE W JOHN 

hamster: ok congrats? 

baguette: shut up 

baguette: LISTEN HE WAS DOING SOMETHING AND HIS PONYTAIL HIT HIS FACE AND HE FUCKGNGN 

hunkules: please tell me he didn't cut it off 

baguette: mon dieu, no, i refuse to let him 

baguette: he put it iN PIGTAILS 

baguette: AT THE TOP OF HIS HEAD 

baguette: IM CRYING IN THE CEREAL AISLE 

lizard: he whAT 

hamster: please take a pic 

baguette: do not worry mon petit lion i have taken at least 12 

baguette: _LOOKATHIM.jpg_

hamster: OH YM G OD????? 

lizard: I CAN NOT BELIEVE 

hamster: HES SO FUCKING PRECIOUS 

hunkules: ALEX STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR 

hamster: HERC PLEASE 

hamster: LOOK AT HIM 

hunkules: ok you're right he's fucking adorable 

hunkules: wtf i love him sm 

baguette: me too :’) 

hamster: ME THREE 

lizard: M E F O U R 

jonh: you know i can see these messages right 

jonh: you guys are so cute. i love all of you 

jonh: when laf and i get home we’re all puppy piling on the couch 

hamster: oh heLL YES 

lizard: he's already on the couch 

lizard: oh my god 

lizard: HE 

lizard: _PRECIOUSBABY.jpg_

baguette: MON DIEU HE HAS PIGTAILS TOO 

baguette: ha that rhymed 

hunkules: HONESTLY ITS SO CUTE 

hunkules: HIS HAIR IS BARELY LONG ENOUGH, THEYRE SO TINY 

jonh: he's so tiny 

lizard: lmao tru 

baguette: we are home let us in we want to cuddle 

hamster: i just went and got my phone from the bedroom where i left it when i sprinted and leapt onto the couch 

hamster: im glad my pigtails amuse u all 

baguette: let's all put our hair in pigtails 

lizard: Y E S 

lizard: IM GONNA GO GET MY CUTE BOWS 

hunkules: my hair isn't long enough :( 

baguette: the fuck it's not 

baguette: have you met me 

hunkules: babe 

baguettes hercules mulligan i know ur hair can go the distance 

lizard: uh what was that loud thump and french expletive i just heard 

hamster: laf made a hercules movie pun and herc shoved them off the couch 

baguette: it hurt too 

baguette: asshole 

hunkules: i love you 

baguette: … 

hunkules: :((((( 

baguette: i love u too i guess 

hamster: LAF BABE YOU DID IT 

baguette: I K N O W 

baguette: they're technically buns but still he looks so cute i loVe him 

hamster: same 

jonh: same 

lizard: same 

hunkules: :’) guys pls 

hunkules: ur all too pure, too sweet 

baguette: ALEX YOU ARE CRUSHING MY RIB 

baguette: GET OFF OF ME YOU LITTLE SHIT 

hunkules: i spoke too soon 

hamster: soRRy LAF JOHN WAS TICKLIJG ME 

ANGELica: y'all are fuckin wild 

ANGELica: honestly this chat is a mess 

lizard: ANGELICA MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER HOW ARE YOU 

ANGELica: im… good 

ANGELica: do you want something 

lizard: okay tbh rude 

lizard: but yes 

lizard: i need you to come over and take a picture of us we’re all so cute 

hamster: please i want to savor this moment for the rest of my life 

reyNOlds: im coming too bc this seems too precious 

jonh: okay while we wait for them what movie do u guys wanna watch 

hamster: john do we even have time for a movie 

baguette: mon amour it is 5:30 pm on a saturday we have time 

hamster: o yeah 

hamster: can we watch something cute 

hunkules: we’re not watching hercules 

jonh: BUT 

baguette: MON COEUR WHY 

hunkules: you all know damn well why 

lizard: he's right 

hamster: GUYS 

hamster: AND ELIZA 

hamster: AND LAF 

hamster: I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO WATCH 

baguette: mon dieu 

baguette: i am afraid 

hamster: i wanna watch 101 dalmatians 

hamster: can we 

hamster: can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we can we 

jonh: vote time 

jonh: yes 

hamster: yes 

hunkules: no 

hamster: HERCULES 

hamster: I TRUSTED YOU 

hamster: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE BETRAYED 

lizard: im gonna go with yes 

baguette: cur non? 

jonh: laf what did u say 

hamster: they said “why not?” which couNTS AS A YES IT’S 4:1 MOTHERFUCKER 

hamster: or should i say 

hunkules: no 

hamster: horsefucker 

hunkules: why am i dating you 

baguette: because he is cute, mon coeur 

hunkules: ok true 

hunkules: alex come here let me kiss ur face 

hamster: no das gay 

hunkules: ALEX 

hamster: coming 

reyNOlds: hey we’re here and we’re queer let us in 

reyNOlds: why did alex look so pouty when he opened the door 

jonh: he lost at nose goes and had to open it 

reyNOlds: YOU ALL LOOK SO CUTE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS I FEEL ATTACKED 

ANGELica: I AGREE WHAT THE FUCK 

ANGELica: i have taken so many photos 

lizard: take some on my phone 

lizard: haha im eliza 

jonh: don't you mean elzia 

lizard: i hate you laurens 

lizard: i took like 20 pics here's ur phone back liza 

lizard: thanks 

lizard: WOW WE ARE ADORABLE 

lizard: _lookatus.jpg_

hamster: AAAAAAAAAAA 

hunkules: WE’RE SO CUTE I LOVEALL OF Y OU 

lizard: WE LOVE YOU TOO CKSJFJWN 

reyNOlds: wait you guys are watching 101 dalmatians 

reyNOlds: can angel and i watch too 

hamster: yes 

baguette: absolutely mis amis 

reyNOlds: thank,, this is my actual faVORITE disney movie 

hamster: MINE TOO HIGH FIVE 

jonh: YOU FELL ON ME TRYING TO HIGH FIVE HER A C R O S S T H E C O U C H 

hamster: sorry baby 

jonh: >:( 

hamster: ill kiss u better 

jonh: :D 

ANGELica: that shit was so gay. 

ANGELica: good job. 

baguettes: anyway let's watch the movie 

lizard: WAIT WE NEVER NEGOTIATED CUDDLE BUDDIES 

baguette: merde 

hamster: i get john and laf, eliza you get hercules 

hunkules: WHY DO YOU GET LAFAYETTE 

hamster: because THEY like 101 dalmatians unlike SOME PEOPLE 

hunkules: fine but i want them next time 

hamster: :( 

hamster: they're just… so warm… they radiate heat i love them 

hamster: but fine 

reyNOlds: are y'all done now 

reyNOlds: because i’m hitting play


End file.
